Relationships are the most unique and nuanced thing in life. So why does Facebook only have a handful of options to describe them? This doesn’t make sense to me. Between single, civil union and divorced there are a zillion shades of relationship situations, which are all supposed to fall under the “it’s complicated” category. That’s ridiculous. I think the label of a relationship should reflect the complexity of the thing. So, I’ve come up with some new statuses that include everyone — from those who got dumped three days ago to those who have the benefits without the friendship. See where you fall on the real-life relationship status spectrum and stop trying to fit your romantic life in a box.
1. JBU (just broken up): You’re still in a ball, crying in bed. As in, not ready to date.
2. JBUSI (just broken up, still involved): You broke up, but you’re still talking to your ex, or even screwing, regularly.
3. BUNOE (broken up, not over ex): You’ve been broken up for a while now, but that moving on thing doesn’t seem to be happening.
4. TA (trying again): You’re trying a second round of dating the same person after a breakup.
5. SBNL (single but not looking): You’re single, but suffering a bout of dating fatigue, had a heinously bad date or an all-absorbing life event that led you to decide to take a temporary hiatus from the game.
6. SADL (single and desperately looking): You’re desperate to date, someone, anyone!
7. SAOTW (single and open to whatever): You’re authentically comfortable with being single (not just pretending to be), but would also be happy to meet someone if they were worth your while.
8. SAILWS (single and in love with someone): You tell the world you’re single, but that’s BS, you’re carrying a torch for someone.
9. JSD (just started dating): You’re 3 to 5 dates in with someone and digging them.
10. PDTR (pre-determining the relationship): You’re definitely dating but it’s too soon to have “the talk.”
11. DBNMO (dating but not making it official): You’ve been dating someone for a while but you’re both happy to avoid determining the relationship for as long as possible.
12. DBSHSBCA (dating but secretly hoping someone better comes along): As sad as it sounds, you’re with someone just to pass the time.
13. DWED (dating with an end date): You’re dating someone, but they are leaving soon, so you’re making the most of it.
14. WFP (waiting for proposal): You should be getting engaged any minute now!
15. FWOB (friends without benefits): You have an intimate friendship that borders on romantic, but doesn’t involve sex. This is also known as having a non-boyfriend or non-girlfriend.
16. BWOF (benefits without friendship): You are sleeping with someone who you don’t even remotely consider a friend. It’s honestly all about the sex.
17. OAOA (on-again-off-again): You breakup and get back together with the same person over and over again.
18. LTRNGM (long term relationship, never getting married): You’ve committed yourself for life without the certificate that says so.
19. LTRDLT (long term relationship, don’t live together): You are together, but have separate residences like Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter.
20. UM (unhappily married): You’re unhappily married, but not doing anything about it quite yet.
21. TLTGD (too lazy to get divorced): You’re living apart for all intents and purposes, but not getting divorced for financial or some other inexplicable reason.
22. MRFC (married, recovering from cheating): You’re married, but trying to forgive/ be forgiven for infidelity.
23. LTA (long-term affair): You’re having a long-term affair with someone who is married or in a committed relationship.
24.SM (sexless marriage): You’re married, but not hitting it.
25. MFR (married for a reason): You got married for a Green Card or health insurance, but you don’t love the person.
26. MFRWL (married for a reason, with love): You got married for a logistical reason, but you also love each other.
27. PAD (polyamorous dating): Three or more of you are seeing how things go.
28. LTP (long-term polyamorous relationship): Three or more of you are committed.
29. AF (alone forever): You have chosen to be alone forever ON PURPOSE.
30. NL (no label): You’re a trailblazer who’s discovered some other relationship arrangement that no one knows about or understands. Please enlighten us.