Dear Darrian Crutcher, AKA The Detroit Mailman Who Saved A Woman From A Burning House And Then Finished His Route,
My love, respect, and doe-eyed adoration for postal carriers has been well documented, but usually my mailman crushes just, you know, deliver mail and show off their toned calves. You’re different. You don’t just deliver mail, you save lives!
When you noticed smoke coming out of a house on your route recently, you called 911, realized a woman was inside the house, and used the outdoor house to put out the fire. And then when the firefighters arrived to find the situation totally under control, you just tipped your adorable mailman hat and kept delivering mail. You didn’t even take a break! When the local news station interviewed you, you even shrugged off the word “hero,” saying, “it was a blessing for me to be at that spot at that particular time.”
You are like a superhero with a satchel full of J.Crew catalogs! Are you in the market for a love interest? Because I’m definitely available.