Someone Please Loan Me Money So I Can Buy My Mom This Tank Top For Her Birthday

My mom — you guys call her Amelia — turns 34 on November 16th and I’m worried she’s going to be depressed about it. She found three grey hairs the other day. Anyway, I think this cheeky “Star Trek” T-shirt would cheer her up about her advancing age, because despite being old, she’s totally still a Vulcan in the streets and a Klingon in the sheets. The problem is that because of dog discrimination, I don’t have a job and have no money. Can someone loan me $27 plus shipping and handling? And help me wrap it? Thanks in advance! [Look Human via i09]