Astrology 101: How To Spot Each Sign … After Trick-Or-Treating

Some people think a person’s true colors come out when they’re facing extreme hardship, others believe you should judge people by how they behave in prosperous times. We happen to think that the best time to see someone’s true personality is right after they’ve gotten a bunch of free candy from strangers are sitting around with their friends assessing their haul. Yep, there’s no better time to do some sign-spotting than Halloween night, in the crazy, sugar-fueled aftermath of trick-or-treating. Which sign is organizing candy trades to gain power? Which sign is carefully planning their candy-eating strategy? Which sign is bragging incessantly about the king-size Snickers they scored? Read on to find out how to spot each zodiac sign on Halloween, even if they’re wearing a Batman mask…

Aries (March 21st-April 19th): Sugar rush + normal Aries energy + excitement of trick or treating + wearing a cool costume = this kid is bouncing off the damn walls.

Taurus (April 20th-May 20th): Hoarding their stash of candy and giddily binge-eating every last piece. There will be no leftovers in Taurus’ sack tomorrow — even the Smarties will be devoured.

Gemini (May 21st-June 20th): Asking everyone to describe every detail of their trick or treating experience and compiling the data into a detailed map for next year.

Cancer (June 21st-July 22nd): Whining about not getting the very specific kind of candy they’d been hoping for and begging their friends to trade.

Leo (July 23rd-August 22nd): Bossing everyone around and trying to force people to combine all their treats into a community candy pile, which of course Leo would be in charge of.

Virgo (August 23rd-September 22nd): Separating their candy into organized piles based on size, flavor, trade value, and personal preference.

Libra (September 23rd-October 22nd): Subtly gauging all their friends’ post-trick-or-treating emotional states, partly to make sure everyone’s happy, and partly to exploit weaknesses when it comes time to make trades.

Scorpio (October 23rd-November 21st): Off in the corner obsessively taking stock of their haul and strategically planning which candy to eat at which times.

Sagittarius (November 22nd-December 21st): Bragging about how they got the best, biggest, and most candy to anyone who will listen.

Capricorn (December 22nd-January 19th): Setting up side deals and making under-the-table trades to create the ultimate candy collection, gain status, and possibly take over the world.

Aquarius (January 20th-February 18th): Making sure their friends all got equal amounts of candy and dipping into their personal stash to even things out if necessary.

Pisces (February 19th-March 20th): Rolling around on the floor laughing hysterically and clutching their stomach, painfully bloated and deliriously happy.

[Photo of little girl in witch costume via Shutterstock]