Sufjan Stevens Pens His Own Open Letter To Miley Cyrus

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Sufjan Stevens Pens His Own Open Letter To Miley Cyrus

But don’t worry! It’s not because he’s worried about her prostituting herself, or that she’s using Black women and little people as props in her act, or that she’s not practicing proper tongue hygiene. No, the singer-songwriter is concerned about Miley’s grammar:

Dear Miley.

I can’t stop listening to #GetItRight (great song, great message, great body), but maybe you need a quick grammar lesson. One particular line causes concern: ‘I been laying in this bed all night long.’ Miley, technically speaking, you’ve been LYING, not LAYING, an irregular verb form that should only be used when there’s an object, i.e. ‘I been laying my tired booty on this bed all night long.’

Whatever. I’m not the best lyricist, but you know what I mean. #Get It Right The Next Time. But don’t worry, even Faulkner messed it up. We all make mistakes, and surely this isn’t your worst misdemeanor.

But also, Miley, did you know the tense here is also totally wrong. Surely you’ve heard of Present Perfect Continuous Tense (I HAVE BEEN LYING in this bed all night long [hopefully getting some beauty sleep?]). It’s a weird, equivocal, almost purgatorial tense, not quite present, not quite past, not quite here, not quite there. Somewhere in between. I feel that way all the time. It kind of sucks. But I have a feeling your ‘present perfect continuous’ involves a lot more excitement than mine.

Anyway, doesn’t that also sum up your career right now? Present. Perfect. Continuous. And Tense. Intense? Girl, you work it like Mike Tyson. Miley, I love you because you’re the Queen, grammatically and anatomically speaking. And you’re the hottest cake in the pan. Don’t ever grow old. Live brightly before your fire fades into total darkness.

XXOO Sufjan

Is Sufjan negging Miley Cyrus? Like, it sounds like he sort of wants to hit it, but his idea of flirting is being really condescending. Dude clearly wants to lay with her. Or is it lie? [via Gothamist]

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