Personal Shopping Sagas: A Play Starring Sean “Diddy” Combs And Derek Roche

Loosely adapted from the New York Post article, “Personal Shoppers Cater To Celebrities,” featuring Derek Roche, personal shopper for Sean “Diddy” Combs.

Setting: It is the night before the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. Combs, Roche and Combs’ last-minute date for the screening of “Killing Me Softly,” singer Cassie, enter Roberto Cavalli’s Cannes showroom, hoping to find the perfect gown.

Diddy: Where the real dresses at? Show me the real dresses!

Cavalli’s publicist escorts them into Cavalli’s secret haute couture vault. Cassie waits for Diddy’s cue. Diddy makes straight for the most expensive gowns in the vault. He fingers a $50,000, floor-length, black gown and a daring gold number. Roche and the publicist exchange a worried glance. Cassie shrugs and checks her iPhone.

Diddy: (pointing to the black gown) This one!

Publicist: (apprehensively) But that one is reserved. We can’t give you that one.

Diddy: Then get Roberto on the phone!

Roche: (stepping into spotlight, to audience) Mr. Combs is Mr. Combs, and he isn’t used to hearing no. He is the one who tests my limits and boundaries. Mr. Combs loves his happy socks — fun designs from Paul Smith or Rob Kardashian. We labeled them happy socks because they just make him feel good — it could be polka dots, it could be stripes or lightning bolts. I’ve bought everything from compression shorts for the gym to Ralph Lauren boxer briefs. I am his shopper.

The publicist reluctantly dials Mr. Cavalli’s number. She listen and nods, her eyebrows arch in surprise.

Publicist: Mr. Cavalli says you can take both gowns.

A violin swells.

Roche: (to audience) That Devil Wears Prada thing — it’s real life. People look at it for entertainment, but it is real.