33 Pics We Expect To See On Gwyneth Paltrow’s Instagram

Oh dang, shit is about to get real. Gwyneth Paltrow has finally — finally! — joined Instagram. She’s only posted one photo so far, in which she’s just chillin’ with designer Jason Wu at his studio. As Gwyneth does. Ugh, I am so excited to hate follow Goopy even though I know I will ultimately dissolve into a puddle of envy and sadness. Worth it! Here are 30 photos we expect to see pop up on Gwyneth’s Instagram.

  1. A leg of lamb, fresh out of the oven.
  2. A closet full of clothes made by designer friends that she name checks in the caption by first name only, i.e. Stella, Karl, Jason, Marc, etc.
  3. Gwyneth laughing/eating at the same time.
  4. Pics of her hanging around with Beyonce where Beyonce looks like she’s faking having fun.
  5. Pics of her hanging out with Jay Z. Gwyneth uses some sort of street slang or “ghetto talk” the caption because, see, she has a black friend!
  6. Mario Batali’s crocs.
  7. Cheese plates. So. Many. Cheese. Plates.
  8. Dewy post-Tracy Anderson workout face.
  9. Steven Spielberg drinking a Bloody Mary at brunch. GP calls him “Uncle Steve” in the caption.
  10. A small child’s hand holding a clump of dirt.
  11. Daily photos of Gwyneth’s feet donning a designer pair of shoes.
  12. A decapitated Barbie head floating in a toilet.
  13. A counter covered in vitamin pill bottles. #wellness
  14. A closeup shot of the world’s most priceless and rare gourmet sea salt.
  15. A galley copy of Deepak Chopra’s next book, which Gwyneth is offering edits on, natch.
  16. Compost.
  17. Pics of her just “hanging around” or getting “down and dirty” with the kids in a $500 plain T-shirt.
  18. One single fast-food photo.
  19. Her bathroom and beauty cabinet, featuring only the most exclusive natural products and plenty of French pharmacy finds (and marble sink and countertops).
  20. Uncooked sweetbreads.
  21. Gwyneth in glasses selfie.
  22. Throwback Thursday snaps of GP as a teen at Spence, but never one that shows her braces.
  23. A bottle of 1978 Barolo, hashtagged #tablewine #onlythegoodstuff #indulgences.
  24. A chipped nail, with caption about how this is the worst.
  25. An organic 1000-thread count Egyptian hemp yoga mat.
  26. $500 designer sunglasses with a caption calling them an “affordable luxury.”
  27. A wheatgrass greenhouse.
  28. Poop in the toilet captioned “It literally doesn’t smell at all!”
  29. The blurred outline of Chris Martin in the background of a photo of an in-focus silk bathrobe.
  30. Gwyneth drinking a $20 juice after a workout.
  31. Her in tree pose, outside, meditating, probably photographed by her nanny.
  32. Gwyneth trying on new grillz.
  33. Blue Ivy.
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