Lesbian Blogger Explains Why Telling A Woman She’s “Too Pretty To Be Gay” Is Insulting To All Women

In a piece published yesterday in the Huffington Post, DapperQ Managing Editor, Anita Dolce Vita, does a bang up job of explaining why, not only is telling a gay woman “she’s too pretty to be a lesbian” or “you shouldn’t have a hard time finding a boyfriend” or “you don’t look like a lesbian” NOT a compliment (as some men seem to believe), but an insulting form of homophobia. “Most people who spew such nonsense expect me to delight in their backhanded praise and are surprised when I inform them that telling someone that she is too pretty to be a lesbian is actually not a compliment,” she writes. “Believing that there is a point on some arbitrary scale at which a woman is too attractive to be gay is based on the assumption that heterosexual women are inherently better-looking, and that’s just plain homophobic.”

And further to that, Dolce Vita goes on to explain how this kind of “backhanded praise” is degrading to all women — gay,straight and everything in between:

“Ultimately, female beauty is defined by what men find attractive and is offered for the male gaze, which marginalizes women and reduces us to body parts …When someone tells me something ridiculous like ‘but you’re pretty; you shouldn’t have a hard time finding a boyfriend’ upon discovering that I am gay, they are essentially telling me that they believe that lesbians are too ugly to find a man. News flash: Women don’t become lesbians because they cannot land a boyfriend. Furthermore, women, both feminine and masculine, are beautiful despite what men think of them. Standards of beauty rooted in misogyny are destructive not just to lesbians but to all women.”

And there it is. I couldn’t have said it better myself. As a person with a lot of gay, female friends, I’ve always found these statements so offensive, but have never been properly able to articulate why. I appreciate it being broken down for us. [Huffington Post]

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