Watch GinaMarie Zimmerman Destroy Her Chances Of Winning “Big Brother 15″

Well, not to toot my own horn — toot, toot! — but last night’s “Big Brother 15″ finale went exactly as I mapped out, minus a few details I was unsure about. Andy Herren did indeed win the final Head of Household competition and took GinaMarie Zimmerman to the final two, evicted Spencer Clawson. In the end, Andy scored the five jury votes I was sure he had in the bag — Amanda, McCrae, Helen, Candice and Elissa — plus two (Jessie and Spencer) out of the remaining four tossups (Aaryn and Judd voted for GM to win), winning the game as I predicted. CBS was saved the embarrassment of having a racist (GinaMarie) or a lascivious perv (Spencer) win and represent their franchise. Yay!

While I had expected Andy to win, I didn’t expect GM to make it so goddamn easy for him.

I’m not sure why it didn’t occur to me beforehand that the admittedly “not very smart” GinaMarie might bomb while answering jury questions or in her final plea for their votes, but did she ever. I don’t think I’ve ever felt such a visceral secondhand embarrassment. She even got in a reference to Nick Uhas, the houseguest evicted second who she’s been obsessing over ever since. GinaMarie came off even worse sitting next to Andy, who teaches communications and is something of a public speaking expert. I know people get tongue tied in situations like this, so I expect some – 20 percent? — of the horribleness of her non-answers are a result of nervousness, but even still. Defending your gameplay to the jurors and making a strong case for why you should win is an important part of winning “Big Brother” — GM faceplanted out of the gate and never recovered.

Oh and also? Bribing the jurors for their votes isn’t allowed. What a trainwreck. Check out two clips of GinaMarie trying to form complete sentences above! (Warning: Have a pillow handy. You’ll want to hide behind it.)