U.K. Man Bites Neighbor’s Penis During Argument Over Music

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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods … and also, try not to bite thy neighbor’s penis. Jason Martin, 41, of Kent, U.K., has been found guilty of biting neighbor Richard Henderson’s penis, allegedly “like a sandwich,” during a scuffle over Martin’s loud music. Martin must have really given it his all, because the attacker has a mouth full of, uh, only one or two teeth. Henderson’s girlfriend delivered a text message to Martin regarding the volume on his Xbox, which led to a physical altercation that left Henderson in need of stitches due to a fatal combination of soft pajamas and a headlock. Martin denied the charges tooth and nail, telling prosecutors he had just grabbed “around” Mr. Henderson. “The thought of putting a man’s penis in my mouth… well, it’s not for me. Not in a million years would I do it,” he told the court. “It was just a rat bite. I just grabbed into an area. I didn’t realize at the time it was his testicles.” [Daily Mail] [Portrait of man with angry expression via Shutterstock]

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