Hey! What’s The First Book You Masturbated To?
The other day, I was strolling around my neighborhood when I came upon the guy who sells, amongst other things, used books at a table set up on the sidewalk. I see him all the time and he’s always got a truly random hodgepodge of books — tattered copies of various chick lit classics, old cookbooks, and Oprah book club picks. This time, though, there was a familiar cover that caught my eye. Woman’s Body: An Owner’s Manual is a health and body book that my parents gave me when I was on the cusp of puberty. I remember it well, not because I read it from cover to cover at any point, but because there were a few choice sections that had a profound impact on my burgeoning sexuality. Basically, this was the book that taught me how to masturbate and provided me with the initial information I needed (i.e. how people have sex) to construct a hot (enough) fantasy to think about while humping a pillow on my bunk bed.
Seeing Woman’s Body again was like encountering an old friend and it got me thinking about all the other books I dogeared during those years before porn was easily accessible (or even of interest to my still innocent lusty leanings). There were the incest-infused V.C. Andrews novels, like the Casteel family series. Remember when Heaven and Troy humped in his little house in the middle of the maze?! Thank goodness they turned out not to be related, though the initial suspicion that they might be didn’t get in the way of my amorousness. Then there was the lone book in my grandmother’s den — Jackie Collins’ Lucky Chances. Lucky Santangelo really knew what to do with a dude’s throbbing manhood shaft thing. I wonder if my grandma knew what was happening every time I locked the den and told her to hold on for a minute when she came knocking with a bowl of sauerkraut/ramen/cucumber salad (the three dishes she cooked). Did she eventually notice that Lucky Chances opened up on its own to the dirtiest spot in the book? If she did, she never said.
So, I’ve ‘fessed up. Now it’s your turn. From medical texts to dirty supermarket fiction, what were the first books that you masturbated to? Let’s reminisce!