The secret to acting like your shit don’t stink is not wearing a ball gown speaking with a British accent while you poop. It’s Poo~Pourri, the spray that masks the scent of the “creamy behemoth you just birthed from your cavernous bowels.” (God, I’m jealous that I didn’t write that line.) The spritz is scientifically proven to trap the odor of your little astronauts in the porcelain prison and make the world believe that your poop doesn’t stink or that you don’t poop at all. If that’s something you’re interested in.
I know, I know I should encourage women to be proud of their scat and its natural scent because men certainly are. We shouldn’t be ashamed of processes that are natural to our body or try to deny their existence. Free to be you and me blah, blah, blah. But public restrooms would be so much more friendly we didn’t all have to smell each other’s shit. Call me a poopist, but that’s how I feel. It gets nasty in there, yo.
As I write this, Amelia’s dog Lucca is going on a farting spree, which makes me think that DogPoo~Pourri might also be of interest to consumers. Just a thought. No offense, Lucca. [YouTube]