I can just retire from the internet now because Tanning Mom has launched a Tumblr, Tips From Tan Mom. I don’t know if it’s tips as much as a showcase of her new sober lifestyle and a vehicle to promote her music and film career. Hey, she probably has a lot more free time on her hands now that she’s not spending hours in the tanning bed or trying to get a porno flick produced. Why shouldn’t she spend the days (when she’s not on set or in the recording studio) making manicotti, working on woodcraft or taking the kids to the park. Yes, please. More, more, more! Below, a few of my favorite discoveries about my muse from her new blog.
1. She has three kids. Besides little Anna, who Patty K was accused of taking to a tanning salon, she also has a boy and a 20-year-old daughter named Ash. She is very pretty and doesn’t look tanorexic in the least.
2. She’s a regular Picasso. “This is what I do,” she says of a floral painting you might see at one of those art show conventions at a hotel. She also made a sculpture that says “Live, Love, Laugh, Hope, Dream” and Cinderella mural in her daughter’s room. Charming!
3. She has chef aspirations. I can only hope and dream that Tanning Mom will have a cooking show someday. But until them, I can admire pictures of her baking brownies, whipping up some manicotti and boiling live lobsters. Please note that she especially likes to cook when it’s hot out, which for most of us, is our least favorite time to cook. In her kitchen, she stenciled the saying: “The Fondest Memories Are Made When Gathered Around The Table.” Or when attending a drag show. But who remembers that? I DO!
4. Her star is not fading away anytime soon. She will soon be appearing in a movie where she was involved in a “high speed chase.” She doesn’t specify the name of the movie, but there are pictures and videos of her posing with various men on set.
5. She’s still married. Speaking of men, Tanning Mom has a very patient husband Richard who she refers to as “my pain in the ass.” Aww.
6. She will never stop partying. Even though she’s sober, she still occasionally goes to parties with directors and Adam Barta. Even better are her videos about her going to parties.