Dear Jim Dunbar,
For your entire life, you’ve never been able to make it to anything on time. Your lack of punctuality has caused you to miss appointments and flights and lose jobs and girlfriends. Your lateness is such a problem that when you recently wanted to see a movie, you gave yourself an 11-hour head start — and still showed up to the theater 20 minutes late. You’ve always thought your lateness was beyond your control, and while that may sound ridiculous to most people, I know exactly how you feel! I’m always late too. Always. No matter how much extra time I give myself or how much I prepare, I inevitably find myself sneaking into every event and engagement 5-20 minutes late. I’ve dealt with my tardiness issues by getting more organized and also getting really, really good at saying, “Sorry I’m late!” You, however, had a different strategy. You went to the doctor.
After a series of tests, doctors determined that your lateness actually isn’t your fault at all — it’s the result of a brain disorder similar to ADHD that makes you unable to estimate and manage time correctly. On the one hand, I’m kind of jealous you now have a real excuse for your dismal time management skills; on the other hand, I think you might be my soulmate. After all, we would never get annoyed at each other for being late!
Shall we set up a date for tomorrow night? Which means we’ll actually get together sometime next week?