All anyone can talk about this morning is last night’s MTV Video Music Awards, particularly the performance from Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke. It was essentially the final nail in the coffin of Miley’s childhood and established Thicke as the music industry’s resident pervy drunk uncle. Let’s review what went down…
So Miley emerged from a weird monkey to perform her single, “We Can’t Stop,” and was like:
What was that Miley?
And then she was like, lemme prance down the stage like I’m a cat, touching my invisible mane of hair:
And she was really giving it her all, but Drake was too busy texting to notice:
And touch this lady’s booty! Hey, there’s Miley’s tongue again:
Then Miley played with herself a little:
But golly, that bear onesie was cumbersome. Best take it off!
Does masturbating with a foam hand feel better? Miley would know:
Oh hey, it’s 37-year-old Robin Thicke onstage, singing his hit song, “Blurred Lines.” All the more reason for 20-year-old Miley to twerk against his much older crotch!
And there’s her tongue again:
And Taylor Swift was like, whoa:
Rihanna, meanwhile, had no fucks to give. Neither did One Direction:
Even when Miley went behind the back and through her legs for some foam hand action:
How about this Rihanna? Impressed?
Not so much:
Will Smith and his kids, however, were mesmerized:
And really, so were we.