Dear Guy Who Got A Gorilla Tattoo On The Back Of His Head,
Listen, I thought our relationship was going pretty well. I thought your bald spot was cute. I really liked your taste in beaded chokers. And then you went to the tattoo parlor, and came back with … this. What am I supposed to do when I wake up in the middle of the night and this thing’s staring at me from your pillow?! Sorry to say it, but we’re gonna have to break up. I hope you and your fearsome head gorilla live happily ever after.