Women, you’ve probably heard at least one (but probably a lot more) cheesy-ass, horrible, insulting pickup lines in your life. My all time least favorite being: “Come on baby, whip your pussy out!” Yes, a man said that to a woman walking down the street. He might have been drunk and wearing a jacket made out of a garbage bag, but it happened. Runner up for worst pickup line, and definitely said on purpose by a man who I was on a date with: “Your eyes are ominous.” Just embarrassing.
The other night I was hanging out with one of my gay friends and he was doing his favorite thing: showing me all the weird dudes who message him on GROWLr a social networking hookup site, which is like Grindr, but for gay bears. We stumbled onto the canned pickup lines that you can send to fellow bears to express interest. They’re called “growls.” Obviously. What I found was more appalling than I’d imagined. In a side-by-side comparison, “Your eyes are ominous” is innocuous compared to “My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t control it.” “And these work?” I asked my friend, flabbergasted. “It depends on how bad I want to get laid,” he shrugged.