Our Biggest Regrets About College Sex
College! It’s all about exposure to new ideas, learning skills for your future career, and, oh yeah, ceaseless romantic floundering. After high school, higher education is likely the last time you will be around so many people of your own age all the time. Who could blame you for sleeping with
some a few many of them?
But just like those student loans that you’ll be paying off until retirement (haha, in this economy, do you think retirement will still be around when we’re old?), there’s going to be some sex you regret. Sex you wish you hadn’t had. Sex you wish you had had. Sex that you don’t want to tell anyone about except the anonymous comments section of The Frisky.
After the jump, here are our worst sex regrets from college. It’s only fair that you share your own!
- “I kind-of-regret not having a lesbian hookup in college. It’s so cliche, but having a steady boyfriend throughout college made it impossible to do any kind of experimenting that way.”
- “I regret having sex with somebody who was a known intravenous drug user and then not getting myself tested for HIV for almost a year afterward out of fear (and potentially putting other partners at risk). I was 18 at the time and thought I was invincible. But, truthfully, I was scared of what the test would say.”
- “I kind-of-regret having a secret relationship with the the star women’s basketball player. We dated for over a year and almost nobody knew. She wasn’t out for personal reasons, but it sucked to be sneaking to her dorm at dawn and dusk. Even though we went to college in the super conservative deep South, I was out and really wanted to be able to kiss her and hold her hand around campus, but she wasn’t having it. Even now, as she plays for the WNBA, she isn’t out. I mostly regret that during this time I actually had a boyfriend. Oops!”
- “I regret having sex with friends. I went to a small school and things get complicated when you sleep and date within your friend group. I’ve drifted from a few of my guy friends because of this and I’m still not sure if I’ve properly learned how to differentiate between people I love as friends and people I want to be with.”
- “I regret having a boyfriend that I CLEARLY didn’t actually want to have sex with tell me that I was ‘frigid.’ It turns out I JUST DIDN’T WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIMMMM.”
- “I regret getting a serious boyfriend literally the day I arrived on campus for orientation. I think the reason I don’t have more good friends from college today is because I spent my first year and a half of college in a John-and-Yoko type inseparable arrangement. My boyfriend was a great guy, but it really stunted my social and emotional maturity in school.”
- “I regret that I genuinely believed from age 17 until around 24 that I didn’t like penis-in-vagina sex. Even though I was sexually attracted to men, P-in-V never felt good to me. I was never aroused enough and often it downright hurt. I assumed that I would just live my whole life enjoying other things in bed and just doing that part of sex occasionally to make a guy happy. I even went to talk to a sex therapist about it once. Then around 24, I accepted my sexual orientation more fully and that I needed much more (namely, kink) to get me properly in the mood. I regret that I spent all those years having sub-par sex that I wasn’t really enjoying because it was too vanilla, but I didn’t question whether it could be better. And I regret that I didn’t put more time into figuring out what would make it better because I accepted the some-women-don’t-like-sex stereotype hook, line and sinker and I ‘gave up’ on myself rather quickly.”
- “I regret having week after week of horrible, HORRIBLE sex with a British guy who looked uncannily like a grown-up Daniel Radcliffe just because he looked uncannily like a grown-up Daniel Radcliffe. God, he was such a tool. BUT HE WAS SO INCREDIBLY HOT. I’d spent so much time with my first college boyfriend that I figured I’d better get in all the sex I could to make up for lost time. I should have amended that to ‘all the good sex I could’ and ditched Harry Potter.”
- “I regret sleeping with a much older guy who was also sleeping with lots of other girls (and some guys). Not just once, but on and off for most of college. This automatically gave me a fucked up idea of what sex and intimacy were. He was only the second person I’d slept with, so I thought this was just how it was. The sex was awful: he was a drunk, so he was sloppy and didn’t care about pleasing me. But I didn’t know how this experience would affect me. I thought I was cool for sleeping with an older guy, but didn’t understand the repercussions of it. Or the difference between sex and love. What a mess. And I regret sleeping with other people just to get my mind off the awful older guy. As time wore on, I would date other guys and occasionally have sex with them to help me move on. Let me say: this is not a good reason to have sex. “
- “I regret not being tested for STDs more regularly. I was always afraid of what the results would be, which meant I spent soooooo much time worrying about my health, my partners’ health, whether they were telling me the truth, etc. To be fair, most of my STD-related fears were borne of being raised with abstinence-only education, and I didn’t understand how sexually transmitted infections worked or how common/benign many of them could be until well into college. It was actually a guy I slept with, who was so chill about STDs and so open about sex, that fucking him really helped me loosen up and accept my body and my fears. Having him as an example to follow was really helpful — he’d be all “Oh yeah, I just got tested for X Y Z last week and blah blah blah.” Unsurprisingly, sex with that dude was also really fucking fun and good. I regret not having more sex with people who were super chill about sex!”
Oof. That’s a lot of bad sex. But! The good news, college ladies reading this, is that you have LOTS and LOTS of time for sex and relationships and figuring things out (or, you know, making terrible decisions) all throughout your 20s.
[Image of a worried young woman via Shutterstock]