Hola, Juan Pablo: The New “Bachelor” Is Actually Someone I Want To Bang!

As has become tradition, last night, ABC announced that a cast member from Desiree Hartsock’s season of “The Bachelorette” would be the next “Bachelor.” I anticipated that this would be the case, but I didn’t dare get my hopes up that the reality tv dating show’s producers would actually select a guy I liked to be their latest hunk — without fail, they pick one of the guys I was bored to tears by. Jason Meznick, Bob Guinney, Sean Lowe … yawn. Surely, ABC would continue to pick the safe option and recruit Drew or Zak, with their schmaltzy love songs and sob stories, to be the next “Bachelor.” But something crazy happened — ABC actually picked someone I, and the rest of America if I’m being honest, wants to fuck.

Ladies, the next “Bachelor” is Juan Pablo Galavis, the Venezuelan former soccer player and single father of a young daughter. That sound you hear? Panties. Dropping.

Seriously, Juan Pablo is a total game-changer for the show, which has typically cast clean-cut, milquetoast white dudes who are on a quest to reclaim their virginity. Juan Pablo has a thick accent and oozes sex appeal; he’s looking for a woman who fits into the life he shares with his daughter, Camila. Hottest DILF ever. Though he didn’t get much screen time during Desiree’s season (which came to an end last night), Juan Pablo made a serious impression on viewers and was a fan favorite. For the first time ever, I think I might watch “The Bachelor” and not find myself grumbling, “I hate this shit, why am I watching it?” [People]

Anyway, here are some more pictures of Juan Pablo, as well as a video interview in Spanish. I think it’s about soccer, but I’m going to pretend he’s actually saying dirty stuff.