Bon Iver’s Imagined Director’s Commentary For His Vegan Shoe Commercial

Y’all know I’m not a huge Bon Iver fan, and though he has wide acclaim as some sort of indie rock heartthrob, I find the idea of sexing Bon Iver to be as repugnant as, say, Frenching a trout. Last year, he unleashed his shoe collaboration with the shoe company Keep. What qualified Bon Iver as a shoe designer, I don’t know, but anyway, he made some sneakers with an (of course) feather on them. Just now, we’ve uncovered the commercial Bon Iver made to promote the shoes. It was apparently made on a farm with free-range kittens and pups (all of whom were rescued). It is also deeply earnest and Bon Iver-y, which of course means I had to blow up its spot. After the jump, Bon Iver’s imagined director’s commentary for the video.

:10 — The masses pile on top of one another in a brutal competition for survival. Even those soft and gentle among us will eventually succumb.

:13 — Love is but a fleeting mist upon the moors of life.

:16 — Sleep is for the weak-willed.

:22 — Life is a journey we ultimately must take alone.

:26 — I made some ugly shoes. Here’s a kitten to ameliorate my ugly shoes.

:34 — There is nothing left to truly discover for the first time. All the paths have been worn. Most by kittens.

:40 — Did you see my ugly shoes? Here they are again.

:46 — Now I’m going on a walkabout.

1:06 — My shoes could maybe help you run fast, but probably not.

1:14 — Look at the fleeting joy in those dog’s faces. Too young and innocent to know of the inevitability of death.

1:17 — I’m down with the kids! I get around on my skating board!

1:24 — I stole a kitten.

1:33 — Tis nearly the end of the video and the toil and drudgery of watching this video is almost over. Soon, soon, children, you too may sleep.

1:38 — Buy my shoes!

(I kid! I kid! But in all seriousness, proceeds from the sale of these shoes goes to the Best Friends Animal Society, and that’s pretty cool.)