Leo (July 23-August 22): Dummies need not apply now, no matter how cute they are! The last thing on earth you should deal with is an irritating narcissist who isn’t as smart as you are. Put up the “No Vacancy” sign on your heart to anyone throwing shade now. There’s no point in putting up with any bull, because anyone acting out now will never give back. Demand respect, by not having to ask for it.
Virgo (August 23-September 22): You can gripe about what bothers you all day, but instead, remove yourself from the situation. Give yourself an escape by way of buying a spontaneous plane ticket or jumping on a long train ride to a forest. Magical moments are scattered throughout this week, so set them to dreamy cinematography for the most otherworldly outcomes.
Libra (September 23-October 22): There may be a few moments this week when you’ll feel yourself going into super alpha bitch mode. Who knows what will set you off. No matter, as the competitor in you won’t be having it and your primal instincts will be in control. So, get ready to discover sides of yourself you perhaps had no clue about or have spent time trying to hide.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Go balls to the wall with rewarding yourself for a job well done! Even if there’s nothing exciting happening, pop the champagne anyway, as it’s not so much about your accomplishments, as it is just about celebrating you. You’ve come a long way and if no one else is going to give you a parade, throw one for yourself. If you build the momentum, others will follow.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Your eyes will be bright like sunbeams at the highest part in the sky, making you numb to all else but the feeling of fire and ice. Your brain will be a missile of proficiency, cutting to the chase in all that you want, and, surprise, surprise, it’ll make others hang on your every word. Sure, it may seem as if you’ve stepped into a cult, but after a minute, you’ll realize it’s actually great.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): You’re going to have to hold back your temper now. If you go off, there could be no accounting for what will come out of your mouth and it will be ugly. In fact, it might make you so crazy that you could go more over the edge simply for the dramatics of it all. Once you get cooking, there is no telling where you’ll wind up now. So, keep a lid on it!
Aquarius (January 20-February 19): Hooking up just to hook with your latest is not as fun as it use to be. So, spice up your life by scrolling through your contact list and picking out a new sidepiece. Right now, emotions are less important than having interesting companionship. Think of it as having your own private theater and aim for the sheer purpose of your entertainment.
Pisces (February 20-March 20): You can merge the practical with the magical this week, so don’t settle on anything too plain or average. Sure, you may feel as if you are short on time and need to rush life along, but it doesn’t mean you have to get clumsy. Be more creative. There are better answers out there, just look farther ahead than the short term!
Aries (March 21-April 19): Someone is going to throw down some fighting words and it might be just at the exact time you bust a socket. Bad timing is just going to be a way of life, so don’t even try to fight it. The worst part is you can’t even play the Mercury retrograde blame game. So, the only advice to keep in mind: gracefulness. At the least, it’ll have to count for something.
Taurus (April 20-May 20): This week, if you’re in a relationship, you’re going to have to excuse a few comments your honey may say, if you can. Seems you’ll be prone to impatience and it won’t go so well for your baby. If you’re single though, realize Tinder is always a perfectly fine way to spend your week, as you won’t have the attention span for anything you can’t walk out on in an instant.
Gemini (May 21-June 20): You love freedom, so, don’t let anyone hold you up now. You’re on a schedule and if another can’t keep up with you, you just have to do what you have to do. If that means jetting off without them, then so be it. Your independence is what you crave now, but that doesn’t have to mean going solo — it just means having someone that can keep up with you.
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Someone will want more out of you, which will set them up for a disappointment, because you’re no one’s show pony. Time to rebel from the powers of your oppressor, because there is no other resolution other than to take charge. Not that you even have to confront them, as no else should be the boss of you. After all, not showing up for an unnecessary battle is your right.