5 Other Flavors That Might Have Been Ben & Jerry’s New NYC Ice Cream

After months of amassing NYC residents’ flavor preferences on a special website, Ben & Jerry’s has launched its new ice cream flavor, Borough Brew. And the flavor of New York City is (drumroll please): Six Point Brewery beer, 3BEANS vanilla ice cream, butterscotch from Spoonable Caramels, brownies from Greyston Bakery and caramel corn from Liddabit Sweets. Should they have waited just a couple more weeks to start getting our input on our favorite tastes, there’s no doubt there would have been some Cronuts mixed in there, even though most New Yorkers haven’t had the good fortune to taste one yet. Borough Brew, while delicious sounding, missed out on so many native New York flavor profiles. In my estimation, these other flavors would have been just as accurate a representation…

1. Chinatown Chow: Dried fish, weird mushroom and durian fruit. Best enjoyed while getting trampled over by a crowd of fast-moving pedestrians.

2. Subway Station Slush: Rancid urine, rotten yogurt, body odor and mildew. Served in a garbage bag that doubles as a rain poncho.

3. Central Park Plop: Fresh honey-roasted peanuts, baked pretzels and horse patties. Feed your lover a scoop while taking a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride.

4. Willamsburg Warrior: American Spirit Lights, bourbon and artisanal tacos. A hangover in a cone for the hippest, most fashionable creamies! That’s what they call ice cream enthusiasts now. Did you not know?

5. Times Square Swirl: Souvenir shop detritus and authentic NYC pizza chunks. Served cold in a fanny pack with a discounted Broadway ticket.