How Not To Have Sex In A Stairwell

Stairwell sex can be an exciting way to spice up your love life. (Who doesn’t like that added thrill of possibly getting caught in the act by your neighbors?) But please, should you decide to give it a whirl, make sure you take all necessary safety precautions, unlike the 46-year-old Russian woman who had to be rescued when her head got caught in a stairwell railing after an amorous romp. Her boyfriend — gem that he was — ran off, leaving her naked and trapped in her apartment stairwell in Lipetsk until a neighbor found her and called the police. (Where is the lube when you need it?) I’m sure the woman was overjoyed when all those strangers saw her in her birthday suit. Poor gal. She bombed her attempted stairwell sex.

So, just to review. Here’s what this incident taught us about stairwell sex and its possible pitfalls:

  1. Don’t put your head between the rails, even if you’re doing some kind of prison play. It’s dangerous, even if you did happen to bring the lube.
  2. Make sure to sleep with someone who would rescue you if you did get stuck, or at the very least stick around and call the authorities. Because … what an asshole!

Carry on then, sexual provocateurs. Go forth to stairwells and bang like bunnies. [Toronto Sun]

[Photo from Shutterstock]