The Sordid Tale Of An Unaccounted For Tampon (In GIFs!)

Womanhood is a glorious, many-petaled flower. (Or something.) But there are some times when being a lady really sucks. Like, say, when you know you put a tampon in the night before and  you know you didn’t take it out and now you can’t find it. It’s really missing. Seriously, where did that little bugger go?! Join me on every step of this special journey, after the jump…

This weekend I got my period. Seems simple enough, right? I’ve been doing this for 17 years now.

But then on Monday morning, I could not find my tampon string. Damn thing wasn’t anywhere. I went looking myself and even pulled my boyfriend into the search party.

But here’s the truth: we straight up could not find it.

Where could it be? I mean, there’s aren’t too many places it could go.

I finally had to admit defeat and call my gyno.

It was a little embarrassing making the appointment on the phone.

But it had to be done. Truth be told, I was starting to panic. Really panic. Because you know what is scary? TOXIC SHOCK SYNDROME.

So I hoofed it over to the gynecologist’s office in the middle of the workday. She had her stirrups and her lube and even a flashlight.

But she couldn’t find the damn thing anywhere either. She even checked “behind my cervix.”

She suggested it “fell out” while I was using the toilet at some point and I didn’t notice.  That doesn’t explain why I was not bleeding all over the place, though.

At least I got up to date on my Pap while I was there! Go me!

It was very stressful and I won’t pretend I wasn’t confused about the ordeal.

But I think I’ve figured out where the missing tampon went. There’s only one explanation for this:

Yeah. That’s totally it.

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[Photo of a tampon via Shutterstock]