Seeking a soulmate for your child doesn’t just happen in the movies, y’all! Like the scene in “Because I Said So,” where the mother posts an ad online secretly seeking a male partner for her daughter, a Philadelphian mom has taken notes and brought the helicopter mom to the next level. Looking for a “Sugar Baby for [her] Son,” this mom asks for a 19-year-old or younger to swipe her son’s V-Card before he heads to Harvard.
Although “[her son is] extremely smart but socially awkward, [and] has never had a girl friend and [she’s] sure [her son is] a virgin,” the Philly mom promises to “make your financial issues disappear,” smiley face included.
She is desperate for him to become a “cool college kid,” because the coolest kids have their virginities influenced by their mothers. Also, he’s “on the varsity cross country team,” so obviously “there’s almost zero body fat on him.”
Not only does this mother ask for some girl to sweep her son off his feet, but she also has a foolproof plan! She asks for the lucky lady to attend a concert with her friend, where she will just happen to sit next to the son and his friend. She is supposed to “spring into action,” seducing him and eventually swiping the card. But it won’t end there, ladies. You better make sure to keep it up and “show him different sex positions” so he can be super confident with other girls at Harvard.
And don’t forget to add your favorite type of car into your response, Sugar Babies!
[Photo of son and mother via Shutterstock]