Weirdest, Worst Attempted Assault Excuse Ever: “I Had Sex With My Cat And Everyone Knows”

I’ve been working at The Frisky for quite a while now and I have heard my share of cray stories. From a man who died from having sex with a hornets nest to a couple of Finnish journalists who pooped their pants on a bus just to find out what would happen if they did, I’m hard pressed to find a story that shocks me. And yet, Kristina Michelle Brown of Oklahoma City, has managed to arouse my bafflement. The 23-year-old was charged with assault and battery with a deadly weapon on Monday after a bizarre kerfuffle with her 72-year-old neighbor.

According to police reports, Brown stood outside her neighbor’s house with a knife screaming, “Come outside. I know you are in there. Do you wanna die?”

Obviously, her elderly neighbor wasn’t in the mood to die, so he called the cops instead. When police asked  Brown what the neighbor did to her, she replied,“I had sex with my cat and everyone knows.”  

Upon further questioning, she admitted that her neighbor didn’t, in fact, know about her sexual relations with the cat, but that she was “just mad at him and want[ed] him to die.”

The neighbor, who has lived next door to Brown for several years, was both disturbed and puzzled by her confession. He described the girl as “glassy-eyed” and someone who hangs out at the local head shop.

One can only gather that she was on something hard or is suffering from mental illness, but I still have SO MANY questions. Like, what does the cat have to say about all this? [The Smoking Gun]