Semi-Deep Thoughts About Heidi Klum’s Boob Twitpic

You guys, this Twitpic Heidi Klum posted yesterday has been confounding me. I keep looking at it and asking myself, But what does it mean? I decided to do some free writing to try to get to the bottom of it all, because clearly, Heidi is trying to tell us something.

Boobs. People like boobs. I understand that. Everyone loves boobs, even gay men and straight women.Heidi Klum’s boobs are loved by all. Boobs for boobs sake? BUT if you just look at the bottom half of the picture, her boobs look like a butt, so it’s kind of like one of those optical illusion games, which may be construed as humor. Is this Hedi’s idea of a joke? Or maybe, this a private/public “fuck you” to Seal. A “look what’s not yours anymore.”

Or is it an outpouring of positivity to the world on a hard week? The world weeps and Heidi Klum offers you her boobs as a consolation. That would make sense with the smiley face made of sand and palooka shells on her toned, tanned abdomen. And the caption, which simply reads “Smile!” But what about the fact that her nipples seem nonexistent? Is this a plea for help? HELP ME! I can’t find my areolas!¬†Sigh. I just wish I could figure it all out.