The things on my personal life bucket list — skydiving, a hot air balloon ride at sunrise, swimming with and/or near a manatee, a glimpse of Beyonce casually pushing Blue Ivy on a swing set in Brooklyn — are all perfectly reasonable, potentially feasible and not entirely out of the realm of possibility. I love having attainable goals, so why not apply the same concept to the wild and wonderful world of sexy times? Use this as a guide, inspired by the hilarious new movie “The To Do List,” starring the fantastic Aubrey Plaza, as a list of gentle suggestions and possibilities. It’s summer, it’s hot and no one’s wearing much clothing anyway — embrace it! For your consideration, I present the top 15 people, places and positions on our sexual to-do list.
1. That Cute, Single Coworker: You guys have been work friends for a while, he’s attractive and always leans a little too close to you on line for bagels in the morning. There are feelings, be it lust, genuine attraction, or one beer too many, and it’s time to take it to the next level. If you play your cards right, you guys could be doin’ it in the bathroom at company happy hour.
2. On the Beach, In The Waves, “From Here To Eternity” Style: Practicality aside, this looks pretty incredible. There’s sand, there’s surf, there’s the unbridled desire between you and your lover to roll down the beach like a potato bug to meet the crashing waves. This is totally doable, guys.
3. The Groom’s Little Brother: It’s wedding season — get lucky!Pros: if the groom is cute, there’s a good chance the little brother is too. Also, he’ll have the BEST night of his life, you minx! Cons: that tricky day-after brunch might be a little hairy.
4. Tearing Through The Kama Sutra, One Page At A Time: I feel like we should all view the Kama Sutra as a challenge, not merely a reference text. Do some stretches, find a willing partner and get to work.
5. That Bartender At Your Local Spot: You’re in there at least a couple times a week — and definitely late night on the weekends before he makes it home — and he always slides a free beer across the counter to you, without even asking. Maybe next time you’re in there, hang around for a while. See how it goes!
6. That Single DILF At The Playground: You’re at the playground with your nephew, who has made very good friends with another little guy. While the two are running circles around the see-saw and sharing juice boxes, strike up a convo with the super-hot single dad in Warby Parker glasses and Nike Dunks. Maybe he needs a distraction from the humdrum of putting carrot sticks into Ziploc baggies. This is your chance.
7. At The Vineyard, In The Field, With the Dude Who Runs The Stables: You and your mom are on a trip to Tuscany, and the stablehand is a particular brand of Italian hottie with an “I’ve been working outdoors for a very long time and look how tawny my skin is” vibe. Every glass of rose you drink emboldens you, and as the sun sets in liquid gold over the hills, you take a risk, and boom, there you are, rolling around between rows of grapes. Life dream status? Totally.
8. On Your Desk At Work On A Summer Friday: Are you bummed because you have to stay late while the entire office leaves early, one by one? Once you have the place to yourself, call up your latest fling, and see if you can squeeze in a quickie at your desk. The fear of getting caught really gives the Big O some extra ooooh-mph.
9. Craigslist Casual Encounters: Look, we get it. Sometimes scrolling thru the same 10 people on Ok Cupid gets tiresome, so this summer, take a risk! Craigslist is great for apartments, free furniture, ride shares — I’m sure everyone in the casual encounters section can’t be all bad!
10. This Insane Iteration Of 69 With your Yoga Instructor: You’ve finally mastered the headstand in yoga, with the help of your instructor’s strong hands, his gentle manner, and his soothing scent of Dr. Bronner’s Eucalyptus soap. One day, he asks you to stay after, one thing leads to another and suddenly you find yourself in a very compromising pose. Put that training to good use and give this gravity defying take on 69 a whirl.
11. If The Stacks Are Rockin’, Don’t Come Knockin: Finals were a drag, but studying for finals — even worse. Take a quick makeout break over in that darkish, weird corner of the library. I promise, no one will see you.
12. Join The Mile High Club: Logistics are tricky on this one, and I think it’s probably better to do this on a long-distance flight, but see if you can sneak away to the bathroom while the flight attendants aren’t paying attention. Those bathrooms are tiny, but get creative!
13. With Ryan Gosling, Golden God, In His Suite At The Bowery Hotel: The Gos is in town promoting his latest film, “Only God Forgives,” but you’ve laid this all out. He’s accessible! He and Eva Mendes are probably dunzo and he’s rebounding! Trust me, this will be one for
your Amelia’s memoirs.
14. At A Party, On Top Of The Coats, With Someone You Just Met: It’s the summer of yes, y’all. That means saying yes to almost everything including a steamy hookup in the party host’s bedroom with the guy you’ve been making eyes at all night.
15. Standing Up, Underneath A Waterfall: If your summer vacation happens to take you somewhere tropical and amazing, do yourself a favor. Find a waterfall, get behind said waterfall, then have your man get behind you and put in work. It feels porn-y, sure, but also will be some of the most memorable sexytimes you’ll have in a while. Hmm, how much are plane tickets to Hawaii going for right now…