FYI, Happy Ending Massages Are Totally Legal In China

Back in college — this was the late ’90s mind you — I had a friend who had a friend who who got a massage somewhere in Chinatown that ended with the masseur giving her an orgasm. I never met this girl or talked to her directly, but I accepted this story as truth because of its happy ending (har har), although, I’m fairly certain it was an urban legend. Someone wrote an expose about women who get happy ending massages on the regular. So, I guess it happens, but more than 15 years later, I’ve gotten several massages in Chinatown and I’ve never had a hand go anywhere near my no-no parts. I once heard a man in the next massage stall grunting a little bit. But it just sounded like I’m Getting A Massage Grunting. I’ve never met anyone who’s actually had a happy ending massage or admitted to it. And I guess that even if they did, they might not want to brag about it because it’s considered an act of prostitution in every state but Nevada. Good ‘ol Nevada. But this story isn’t about Nevada where masturbatory services flow like Franzia. It’s about China, and the fact that police there had no idea that happy endings were legal.

On Wednesday, media in South China’s Guangdong Province confirmed that masturbation or “breast massage,” acts that do not involve actual intercourse, are not considered to be prostitution and that those giving them in exchange for money will not face criminal charges. This has been the case since a 2012 ruling at Intermediate People’s Court in Foshan, when a  judge excused a group of salon workers who were offering masturbatory services to clients. Somehow, this information didn’t find its way to police in the region, who had an embarrassing moment when they arrested a bunch of hair salon workers for giving men massages with their breasts and the court had to inform them that what they were doing was legal. Awkward. [Global Times]

I ask you: do you think happy ending massages should be considered prostitution? And if you’ve ever had one, for God’s sake, please share your story so we know that it’s not just an urban legend.

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