Be My Boyfriend: Man Who Got A Tattoo Of His Wife On His Bald Spot

Dear Bob Baker,

Congrats on your new tattoo! It looks like it’s healing really nicely. I’m sure you’re getting a lot of attention for it right now. Not necessarily for getting a tattoo of your wife in a bikini and high heels pushing a lawnmower on your bald spot that people are calling “wicked,” but for being a 68-year-old man with a 28-year-old wife. Eh, if Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison can get hitched, so can you and your wife, Kelly. You’ve been together for nine years now, married for three. You’ve got nothing to prove. Although your two grown daughters, who are respectively 10 and  16 years older than your wife, may not feel the same way about the relationship.

I heard this tattoo was a Father’s Day gift from them. (Happy belated Father’s Day, by the way!) So, either they really love your wife, or thought the tattoo might piss her off enough to send her packing. Either way, it doesn’t seem like Kelly is going anywhere. You’ve mentioned that you plan to fill up the rest of your bald spot with “flower pots going round the garden.” I think that will be equally “wicked” and I look forward to seeing the finished piece of art. I would say call me, but it seems like you’re very in love. You  even have Kelly’s name tattooed on your neck. So, don’t call me. Just know that I think there’s nothing wrong with a tattoo in the name of love. Unless you and Kelly break up, in which case, have it removed, and then call me.

With respect,

Ami Angelowicz