Today In Sex: A Goodie Heist & Chocolate Anuses
A mother in Sandy, Oregon, who was hiding a horde of sexy goodies for a friend’s bachelorette party in the trunk of her car so her kids wouldn’t see them, is regretting her decision. Chelsey Coutts is the latest person to fall victim to a series of car break-ins in her apartment complex. Instead of making off with a stereo or some fancy rims, this kinky thief lifted $500 worth of sex toys, including “dolls, blow-up items and all kinds of goodies.”
“I can’t believe it. I’m still in shock. It was horrible. [The officer] kind of started laughing, but he felt bad so he asked me to describe [the stolen items] in detail, and it was just horrible,” said Coutts.
The bride-to-be, Haleigh Kirby, said the news of the sex toy heist “broke [her] heart,” but she knows that her bachelorette party is “going to be fun no matter what.”
WRONG, Haleigh Kirby. A bachelorette party couldn’t possibly be fun without blow-up dolls and penis hats. It’s just not possible. I’m sorry, that was mean, wasn’t it? Let me offer my sincerest apologies for Chelsey and Haleigh’s loss by sending over a box of hand-crafted, Belgian chocolate anuses.
UK chocolate company, Edible Anus, is selling a line of “succulent” Belgian chocolate assholes, “lovingly cast and crafted from the delectable posterior of our stunning butt model.” The perfect way to say I’m sorry, theses delicious anuses come in white, milk or dark chocolate, just like human ones. Or I could get them the limited edition solid silver assholes. What to do? What to do…