5 Stages Of Grief Following Last Night’s Heartbreaking Episode Of “Game Of Thrones”

Well, that happened. Thanks to last night’s beyond tragic episode of “Game of Thrones,” I know what I’ll be discussing in therapy for the next month or so! Thanks, George R. R. Martin! You’re the best! Click onward for major spoilers — have your tissues at the ready!

So, in short, Walder Frey basically makes Tywin Lannister look like Barney the Dinosaur, he is that diabolically evil and repulsive. After pretending to be amendable to making peace by wedding one his female offspring to the Tully Cousin — to make up for the fact that Robb married hot Talisa instead — and sending the two off to consumate their marriage, Frey exacted his revenge. By killing off Talisa, the baby inside her, Lady Catelyn, and motherfucking Robb Stark himself. Let me repeat: ROBB, HIS WIFE, AND CATELYN ARE DEAD. DEAAAAAAAAD. Let’s walk through the emotions, hand in hand…

1. Disbelief. No. This cannot be. I must have missed something. Is this a dream sequence? One of Bran’s visions? I shouldn’t have smoked so much pot and ate that many tacos. I am clearly hallucinating. Let’s rewind a bit and watch again, because there is absolutely no way what I just saw happen actually happened because that would be crazy. I mean, you can’t kill off Robb Stark. That would be insane. HAHAHA. So stupid, Amelia. 

2. Devastation. Jesus fucking Christ. I need a goddamn hug. I need counseling. I wonder if my doctor is available for an emergency session. I feel so betrayed. Poor Arya! And and and Bran! And the fuckin’ little one, Ricon, never seeing his mom again. This is fucking terrible. And the baby! Little Maybe Baby Eddard. Gone. Nonononononononono.

3. Rage. REALLY GEORGE RR MARTIN, YOU FUCKING SADIST? Why do you hate us so much? What did we ever do to you to deserve this kind of emotional abuse? I am never ever watching this torture porn again! I’m switching back to “Revenge,” where I don’t care about any of the characters, so they can’t hurt me! Take that you cruel bearded bastard!

4. Begrudging respect. I mean, I gotta admit, as horrifyingly heartbreaking as that whole scene was, it was a really bold move. I thought killing off Ned Stark in season one came out of left field, but killing off two more main characters, just like that? Takes balls. I mean, where do the characters go from here? This completely changes everything.

5. Heartsick acceptance. Catelyn was kind of awful anyway. Gonna miss Robb’s pretty face though. “GoT” isn’t about pretty faces anyway. Toughen up, Amelia. This is art. Trust in George. … Just don’t even get me started on Jon Snow, though. So. Fucking. Typical.