A Review Of The New Satanic Bikini

By: Julie Gerstein / May 28, 2013

Designed for “the slightly satanic fire-and-brimstone fashionista,” as Metal Insider says, this pentagram bathing suit let’s you feel the burning sting of sin (or the sun, whatever) for only $49. You can’t get to hell for cheaper than that!

Designed to please … slightly confused Satanic sun-worshipers; dyslexic star fans; beginner goths (who still haven’t learned tanning isn’t cool).

Wear to: Outdoor metal shows; strip clubs; family reunions (to piss of your parents); high school graduation (because you’re really Satanic underneath).

Would be perfect for: Members of the Dark Army with low melatonin levels; Chantal from “Gallery Girls.”

[Mass Black]