Let’s Talk About My Irrational Hatred/Fear Of Espadrilles

I have a dear friend that has a very particular fear — she absolutely hates unfinished wood. Something about the texture and color of it just freaks her the fuck out, which makes it very difficult for her to, say, handle certain knives or sit at certain picnic tables. I never really got what it was about the wood that bothered her, but I can say now, that I at least understand her pain a little. That’s because, guys, I fucking hate an espadrille, and espadrille season has returned. It’s not the shoe style, per se, that I can’t stand — it’s the rope-y raffia — or, ew, jute — crap that’s put on the bottom of the shoe. You know, the stuff that makes an espadrille all espadrille-y. Whether a flat shoe, a wedge — whatever your damage — that stuff is gross. It’s chunky, and it inevitably falls off in rope-y tendrils after a while and just thinking about it makes me squirm. Here is another reason why espadrilles blow: They used to be for tropical beach vacation times, but now, people where them all summer — to work, to whatever. You are not at the beach! Stop giving me beach shoe realness! Plus, espadrilles are tres impractical because they’re a summer-only shoe. You’re not going to wear an espadrille in the fall. You are not the Dude, living in a perpetual state of Chill Times. Are you?

Listen, I could make up a list of reasons for why espadrilles suck. But who am I kidding — I just really can’t stand the look or texture of raffia. No, no, no.

Do you have anything you’re totally irrationally afraid of/hateful towards? Confess in the comments!