How Not To Deal With A Boyfriend That Finds Your Vagina “Repulsive”
I’ve read a lot of letters asking for advice. Some of them are weird, like the woman who asked Slate’s Dear Prudence if she should date the guy who sniffed her sweaty bicycle seat at the gym. I vote for NO. Some of them are soul-stirring. Check out Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice On Love And Life from Dear Sugar if you haven’t already. I cried my way through it. Sometimes I agree with the advice and sometimes I don’t. That’s to be expected. But I think I stumbled upon what might be the saddest advice exchange ever. A woman whose boyfriend finds her vagina “repulsive” wrote in to the Guardian:
“My boyfriend of three years has never actively looked at my vagina or shown the slightest interest in it other than the usual foreplay. He performs oral sex occasionally but always under the darkness of the duvet and has admitted he doesn’t find vaginas particularly attractive, joking that mine is especially repulsive…”
Three years!? This poor woman. I’m no professional, but I feel like I know exactly what she should do: DUMP HIM RIGHT NOW. I mean, is there any other option? No one deserves to be with someone who finds their genitals repulsive. After the jump, check out the AWFUL advice this woman was given.
The advice giver, psychotherapist Pamela Stephenson Connolly, suggests not that the woman should cut and run, but rather that she should be more understanding about her boyfriend’s hatred of her vagina and help educate him:
“Your boyfriend’s background may have made it difficult for him to be comfortable with his sexuality, or with your genitals. And like many men, he may have picked up a misleading notion of an ideal kind of vagina (‘neat,’ evenly proportioned and hairless) from media images. Help him receive some sex education to adjust his sexual attitudes by inviting him to join you either watching educational DVDs or reading a well-written book that accentuates sexual and physical diversity…”
WHUT? Excuse me. Noooo. Let me take this one.
Dear woman with the boyfriend who finds your vagina repulsive: I hope you’re reading this and not off watching sexual education videos with your boyfriend who will only go down on your under the covers and continuing to feel “self-conscious” and “unattractive.” Look, maybe your dude is gay and not ready to face it yet. Maybe he’s asexual. Maybe he has some dark shit in his sexual past that he needs to deal with. Maybe he’s just an asshole (a very strong possibility). Maybe he does need to watch educational DVDs about vaginas. But whatever his issue is, he needs to deal with it alone. Dump him! [Guardian UK]
[Photo from Shutterstock]