Illinois Man Charged With Sexually Abusing A Peacock

On April 28, David Beckmann, 64, of Roselle, Illinois was booked on a host of horrifying charges, including battery and attempted indecent solicitation of a child. But his most bizarre crime? Sexually assaulting a peacock. Before we get into the particulars, can I just start out by saying what everyone is probably thinking: how in the fuck do you sexually abuse a peacock? The bird, named Phyl, was seen alive by neighbors the night before its body was discovered while police were investigating another crime. The exact nature of the sexual abuse has not been revealed by police, as it also allegedly involved the indecent solicitation of a child estimated to be between the ages of 13 and 17. In any case, we now have something new to have nightmares about. [Daily Herald]