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5 Baffling Uses of Sex Toys That Prove Humanity Is Doomed

Ninety percent of all sex toys operate on one immutable principle — you put them in and around holes and slosh them about all flibbity jibbity. Another 9 percent, generally, are holes in which you put something in, and the last 1 percent is everything else, like paddles, high-voltage panties, and rubber sheets. Despite the wide array of terrifying shapes they may come in, at the end of the day, they’re all pretty basic in how they’re used. And, more importantly, you should have a basic idea what you plan to do with them before you start herky jerking them about your person. But nothing lasts forever in the cold November rain, not even a sphincter full of latex, and so sometimes shit just goes wrong. Dead wrong. But, like, read it so it doesn’t sound foreboding. No one dies in this article or anything. A few of them get messed up, but it’s cool. Read more on Cracked…

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