A Penis In The Garbage Disposal & 9 Other Penis Attacks
Santa Ana, California, woman Catherine Kieu Becker got really mad at her husband Glen for having an “inappropriate relationship” with someone. So mad that she drugged him, tied him to a bed with nylon ropes, and using a 10-inch knife, cut off his penis. She then threw the penis down the garbage disposal and turned it on, mutilating it beyond repair. Doctors were, not surprisingly, unable to reattach the organ, though Glen has now recovered and is out of the hospital.
On Monday, Becker was convicted of torture and aggravated mayhem. She’s facing life in prison without the possibility of parole. Our serious condolences to Glen.
Glen isn’t the only guy whose penis has been attacked. Of course, there’s the original penis victim, John Wayne Bobbitt, whose wife Lorena cut off his member in the middle of the night. But there are other guys out there whose penises have also been in peril. After the jump, we chronicle their stories.
1. An Angry Jerk
Manatee County, Florida, woman Sharelle Wallace wanted to get back together with her ex-boyfriend and baby daddy Antonio Marquis Williams. But Williams wasn’t interested, and that’s when things took a turn for the painful. Wallace reportedly “grabbed Antonio’s penis with her right hand and began pulling on it which caused pain to Antonio.” Was Williams not wearing pants? Anyway! Wallace was charged with misdemeanor battery. No word on how Williams’ penis is recovering.
2. Warning: Penises Stolen Here
Genital stealing has reached epidemic proportions in parts of Africa. But don’t worry, it’s not as bad as it seems. Men in Central African Republic report strangers clasping their hands and immediately feeling the sensation of their penis shrinking. Two different incidences of “penis stealing” were reported within days of each other, but the concept is hundreds of years old. Outbreaks of penis stealing were reported in the 15th and 16th century around Europe, and similar stories have been told across Central and West Africa. Of course, the penises aren’t actually snatched, though men who’ve experienced the phenomenon do swear that their penises shrivel up. It seems to be the stuff of roving urban legend.
3. The Ecstasy & The Agony
An Orange County, Florida, escort named Priscilla Vaughn was arrested in early March for repeatedly biting the penis of one of her johns. After neighbors called 911 to report screaming, police arrived to find Vaughn and an unnamed man naked and covered in blood. Vaughn “had blood around her mouth, which had spread to her face and head” and was “growling and snarling” at officers. The man was hospitalized with “significant” bites on his penis and testicles, and damage to his abdomen, chest, legs and fingers. Vaughn also attacked a sex toy the couple was using, and left significant bite marks in the item. The pair were reportedly doing ecstasy at the time of the, uh, incident.
4. Eel Talk
In 2011, Zhang Nan, of China, was bathing in live eels (as you do) to peel off layers of dead skin. The treatment is (or was) apparently popular there, until Nan had one of the eels enter the tip of his penis. He was rushed to the hospital and endured a three hour operation to have the eel removed. Mental note: DO NOT BATHE WITH EELS.
5. An Aerial Penis Attack
A penis attack of a different kind: At a 2008 speech by chess giant Gary Kasparov, someone launched a flying penis helicopter at him. It flew around the room for a while before a conference attendant batted it down. No chess players (or real penises) were harmed.
6. What’s The Opposite Of A Bitch Slap?
A 19-year-old student at Browerville High School was given 10 years probation for “penis slapping” his high school teammates and exposing himself to younger kids. Seth Kellen was also sentenced to 30 days in jail after he digitally penetrated a teammate on his high school basketball team. Another student, Connor S. Burns was also brought up on penis slapping charges, and received five years probation.
7. Assault With A Deadly Penis
In 2012, a man was jailed for five days for assaulting his estranged wife with his penis. Fred Thomas, 62, of Cushing, Maine, offered his wife $30 to have sex with him. When she refused, he slapped her in the face with his member. Thomas was booked on indecent conduct and domestic violence charges.
8. A Penis To The Head
In 2010, a Lithuanian man named Marium Varinauska was arrested on similar charges for hitting a female police officer on the head with his penis, after she was called to his Aberdeen, Scotland, home to investigate an incident. Varinauska’s girlfriend had called the police after finding him belligerently drunk in their shared residence. According to the police report, “the accused got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck.” Varinauska was charged with committing a breach of the peace by uttering offensive and sexual remarks, and assault, and was fined £600.
9. A Sticky Situation
Guys, don’t cheat, or you could end up with your dick glued to your stomach. That’s the lesson to be learned from the plight of an unnamed Wausau, Wisconsin, man, who was stepping out on his wife with three different women. The man thought he was arranging a date with one of his mistresses at a local hotel, who blindfolded him and bound him up in bed. Once bound, the man’s wife and two of his other lovers entered, cut off his underwear and began taunting him. One of the women hit him in the face and then used Krazy Glue to attach his penis to his stomach. After berating him for a while longer, the women eventually left, taking his car, wallet and phone with them. The man chewed through his bindings and was able to find help. The women are facing up to six years in prison.
[Man’s crotch photo courtesy of Shutterstock]