This Week In Florida (Lady Edition!): Drug Dealers, Car Fires & Worst First Dates

Florida women! They are the oft overlooked counterpart to Florida men, who seemingly have all the fun taking bathsalts, being mermen and eating cockroaches. Florida is a beautiful place, but let’s be real, it does have a disproportionate amount of weird stuff happening too. In any case, this week, Florida women really stole the spotlight from Florida dudes. There was a smattering of fantastical, bizarre Florida moments, and because sometimes stuff (Florida stuff) falls through the cracks, we’ve put together a round up of this week’s notable Florida lady stories.

First up: The Woman Who Called 911 To Get Her Money Back From Her Drug Dealer. The police are there to serve and protect, so when 47-year-old Katrina Tisdale had second thoughts about the $50 worth of cocaine and weed she’d purchased from her drug dealer, she did the smart thing and called 911, pretending that she’d been robbed. Apparently after purchasing the drugs, Katrina reconsidered her monthly budget and realized she needed the drug money to pay her bills, so she called the cops on the drug dealer, claiming he’d robbed her. Weirdly (I know!), Katrina’s plan backfired, and she was charged with misuse of the 911 system. Amazingly, this is the second time she tried — and failed — at this scam.

Then we have: The Woman Who Set Her Car On Fire & Proclaimed “I Am God.” Daytona Beach, Florida, resident Alexandra Barnes was maybe having a bad day. Or bad drugs. Whatever the case, earlier this week, Barnes drove her car to a local gas station, stole a lighter from the gas station, doused her car in gasoline and set it on fire. She then sat in the middle of the intersection outside the gas station proclaiming “I am God.” Barnes’ two dogs were in the car at the time of the fire but were saved. She was eventually taken to a local hospital and will remain there for evaluation.

Plus! The Woman Who Swallowed A $5,000 Diamond. You know, I’ve seen it on “The Real Housewives,” but didn’t know this was a real thing: apparently rich ladies like to play a game where they put a bunch of cubic zirconia jewels at the bottoms of their champagne glasses, but just one glass has a real diamond. Eighty-year-old Miriam (no last name listed) attended a charity event at the Tampa Women’s Club, and was the lucky lady with diamond at the bottom of her champagne flute. Only she wasn’t paying attention, and accidentally swallowed the bauble. Fortunately, she coincidentally had a colonoscopy scheduled for the next day. She warned her doctor to be on the lookout for the diamond, and lo and behold, he actually found it. On her way home, Miriam took the diamond to a jewelry store to have it tested. “She came with it in a bio-hazard bag, and it wasn’t even cleaned,” said store owner Joy Pierson. Miriam! 

And finally: The Woman Who Went On The Worst First Date Ever. Poor Nimeha Milien. After exchanging a volley of text messages, she agreed to meet up with 19-year-old Donald McGee. The date went fairly smoothly — the couple went for a walk on the beach — and later, Milien drove McGee to a local Wendy’s so his brother could pick him up. McGee had other ideas, though, and pulled out a 380-caliber Kel Tec handgun, ordering Milien out of the car. After a brief chase, cops caught McGee, and charged him with carjacking, robbery, marijuana possession, driving without a license and fleeing police. “I’m glad I’m alive,” said Milien. “I want to be able to make a difference in this world. If I’d died that night, I wouldn’t have done anything.”