Yesterday, Jezebel revealed that they had maybe probably discovered the identity of the “other woman” in the breakup of Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon’s marriage. According to the piece, Eva Prinz, 34, has been married twice and is believed to still be married to her second husband, with whom she allegedly has an open marriage. Moore and Gordon, members of the now defunct band Sonic Youth, were together for 30 years before splitting in late 2011. In an interview with Elle, Gordon said that they split because Moore, in the midst of a “midlife crisis,” was carrying on an affair with a “starstruck woman” that she declined to name. Jezebel has identified that woman as Prinz, an art book editor (bearing a striking resemblance to Emily VanCamp in this photo, BTW) who met Moore when she commissioned him to write a book about mixtapes in 2005. The details Gordon gave in her Elle interview do match Jezebel’s profile of Prinz, so while there’s no firm confirmation, yeah, looks like she’s probably the woman, as Jezebel put it, “who broke up Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore.”
Except I wouldn’t put it that way. Because, in my view, the only people who could break up Moore and Gordon’s marriage are Moore and Gordon. In this case, going by Gordon’s account (as Moore has chosen not to share his), Moore broke his wedding vows and refused to end his affair, so Gordon ended the marriage. That Prinz was — allegedly! — the third party involved still doesn’t make her responsible.
I speak from experience.
No, not as the other woman. I was the Gordon in my situation, though I cannot rock nearly as hard. My longest relationship ultimately ended because my then-fiance left me for another woman, with whom he had at least been having an emotional affair if not a sexual one. Though there were certainly times when I was enraged at the woman he left me for, I never actually blamed her for the end of our relationship. I blamed him — for lying, for allowing himself to fall for someone else while he was supposed to love me, for not putting the effort he spent getting to know her into making our relationship better. And, after a period of time, I started to take responsibility myself — for ignoring glaring problems in our relationship, especially. But throughout it all, as angry as I felt at times at this other woman, as harsh as my words could be when speaking about her, I never really believed that she was a villain who preyed upon my hapless fiance. If she hadn’t “come between” us, something else would have, because we were already well on our way to broken. That the two of them ended up getting married? Best possible outcome for a shitty situation, in my opinion.
Not that I expect Gordon to get to that zen a place anytime soon. It took me awhile. But as observers mourning the public breakup of a beloved couple — seriously, my heart always thought it would be Kim + Thurston forever – let’s leave blaming the other woman out of it.