I was compelled to hate watch Ryan Lochte’s new reality show, “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” and I’m here to report back that, JEAH, he is just as purely, ridiculously idiotic as you imagined. I’ve narrowed the episode down to my favorite scene for the sake of brevity. But you should know, there were so many unbelievable moments. Like when the producer asked him if he was a player and Ryan responded, “Describe player.”
But far and away, the most entertaining tidbit is when Ryan is having a movie night with his sisters and reveals that his favorite flick is “What Women Want.” But he calls it “What Woman Wants.” Ryan gets a lot of things wrong. He also takes very long pauses after being asked questions and rarely finishes his sentences. “One of my favorite movies is ‘What Woman Want.’ The Mel Gibson one … If I could read woman’s minds, I would be king of the world,” he says. I don’t know if that’s the case.
In order to give you a context about what brilliant thing Ryan says next, you should know that in the previous scene, he had just gone on a date with a girl who had “blonde hair, [and a] great …upper body,” as he described her. He took her for sushi, which she had never eaten before, and awkward date hilarity ensued. OK, onward. So, Ryan’s sisters ask where he takes his dates, and he admits that he takes them all for sushi because “all girls like sushi.” No matter to Ryan that his date the previous evening disproved his theory. It gets worse though. Ryan takes all his dates to the same sushi restaurant. When his sisters point out that this is an “idiotic” idea because girls who live in the same town and go to the same college talk to each other, Ryan justifies his choice foolproof logic: “It might be the same place, it might be the same table, but it’s a different girl.” Annnnddd scene.