In Defense Of Cupcakes

I did not enjoy the recent article in the Wall Street Journal saying that consumers have “gourmet-cupcake burnout” and that’s why cupcake stock and sales are down. “Demand is flat. And quite frankly, people can bake cupcakes,” said some stupid food industry big wig.

First of all, I have never baked a cupcake (or anything) in my life, nor do I plan to. I do, however, enjoy having stuff baked for me. I will pay to have stuff baked for me. That’s why I go to a cupcake shop. So someone who owns an egg beater can make me a personal cake. It’s the same reason I pay for someone to make my morning latte. Because I don’t own a top-of-the-line espresso machine.

The baking issue aside for a moment, I love eating cupcakes. I have loved eating them since I was a kid, and I’m assuming that since I have loved them for more than 30 years, that I’m not gonna get burnt out on them anytime soon. Especially cupcakes that have buttercream frosting. Those are my favorite.

In a vitriolic response to the WSJ piece entitled Fuck Cupcakes , Jezebel’s Katie J. M. Baker equates the death of the cupcake to a victory for feminism:

“The cupcake represents everything I am not but often wish I could be: domestic, meticulous, modest, sweet. Cupcakes represent measured indulgence. They represent capitalism. (More than $13 a share!) They represent prescribed modes of femininity and our cultural fixation on eternal girlhood. (Also, as Dodai pointed last year, ‘a cupcake is a symbol for both a vagina and the female orgasm.’) Therefore, I think I can confidently say that the death of the cupcake is a victory for feminism.”

Excuse me. Fuck this! We are talking about a piece of cake with some frosting on it not abortion rights. I could not agree less that a cupcake is a symbol for the vagina and the female orgasm. (Although they do induce taste bud orgasms.) The cupcake is not a symbol for anything. It’s a dessert! It doesn’t represent anything. And buying cupcakes (or simply indulging in them) doesn’t make me a domestic, meticulous, modest, sweet anti-feminist capitalist. It just makes me a person who loves the shit out of buttercream frosting.

This is all to say that I refuse to apologize for loving cupcakes. And if all the cupcake shops everywhere go out of business, I will be very sad because where will I buy my cupcakes? And who will compete on “Cupcake Wars”?