Sibling roommates, Howard Meltzer, 67, and Bernice Meltzer, 72, ended up in jail this week because of an epic battle over their last roll of Charmin toilet paper.
According to Howard, Bernice stole the only remaining toilet paper roll in their home and locked herself in the bedroom with it, leaving him without anything to wipe with. For five hours, Howard waited at her door, screaming for her to give him back the toilet paper so he could use the bathroom.
“The roll was full when I went there in the morning … She unloaded a whole roll and left just a little, and when I looked up to the reserve, it wasn’t there. I said I want the toilet paper back by 1 [a.m.] or I’m calling the police,” Howard told the NY Post.
At a certain point during his five hours without TP, Howard, who walks with a cane and sometimes uses a motorized wheelchair, tried to call a grocery store and convinced them to deliver him some more Charmin to the house. Around midnight, Bernice relented (perhaps she had to go to the bathroom herself) and returned the last roll of toilet paper to its rightful place. But it was too late. Bernice was tired of Howard’s harassment and called 911 herself. They both ended up in jail on account of violating their existing orders of protection against each other.
Now, go make up with your sibling over whatever stupid thing you’re arguing about because you don’t want to be 70 and calling the cops over a roll of Charmin. No roll of toilet paper — even a Charmin Ultra-Soft Mega Roll — is worth losing your sibling over. Also, if someone decided to make a reality show about these two, I would very much like to watch it. [NY Post]