Dear Vincent Valvo, AKA The Guy Who Called 911 To Complain About His Mom,
Man, moms can be so annoying, can’t they? Mine used to try to get me to go to bed at 9:30 p.m. when I was a sophomore in high school! Ridiculous, right? And your mom sounds like a real ball-buster, or at least I’m assuming she is, because you called 911 not once, but twice in one night to complain that you “didn’t like the way she was talking to you.”
You were arrested after making the second call, but if you ever want someone to vent to in the future, you can give me a ring!