All week, we’ve been focused on spring cleaning the clutter out of our lives, from our inboxes (guilty!) to our cars to our bad dating habits to our goodie drawers. We’ve swapped unwanted clothing, cleaned up some sex messes, made it simple to decide whether to keep it or toss it. But in this modern age, spring cleaning doesn’t end in the realm of the physical — our online lives could use some tidying up as well. You know what I’m talking about … your Facebook friends list. It’s time to clean house, ya hear? Here are eight types of folks you should unfriend without a second thought.
1. The person who shares your shit only to criticize it. Hey, I’m all for debate. I can take criticism. But there’s something obnoxiously passive aggressive about the person who regularly shares the links you’ve shared first, only to diss the content or express the exact opposite view. Not to be all egotistical, but this is especially irritating when the links in question are consistently from The Frisky. I was Facebook friends with a woman who, no less than three times, shared Frisky links from my Facebook page, only to slam the articles on her wall. Now, because she was sharing my link, Facebook alerted me. It felt sort of like we were both at the same restaurant and she was listening in on my conversation and then starting talking shit about the same thing, like I couldn’t hear what she was saying. If that happened in real life, I’d sit at another table. On Facebook, I unfriended her.
2. Anyone from junior high or high school that you don’t actually remember. One of the amazing things about social media is that it can connect you with people you lost touch with. It also has the ability to put you in touch with people you don’t remember being in touch with in the first place. And it’s really, really awkward when they seem to remember you so well. Don’t torture yourself with the guilt of not being able to dig up even one memory about that girl who says you were so hilarious in 5th grade. Just unfriend her like she never existed. Because she kinda didn’t.
3. That random person who pops up in every Facebook conversation and is rude to other people commenting. This person clearly is hurting for human interaction, because he or she tries to turn every conversation into a heated debate and isn’t afraid to get nasty with your other Facebook friends. If this person is a good friend, a private message asking them to chill is the first step, but if you wouldn’t invite them to a dinner party because they make everyone else uncomfortable, why would you keep them as your Facebook friend? Cut!
4. The practical stranger who stalks your page. Ugh, this is awkward. She “likes” every photo. She comments on every status update. She remarks upon whatever song you’re listening to on Spotify. She posts random messages on your wall about seeing or reading something that reminded her of you, but, dude, you don’t even really know her that well. Not to freak you out, but she probably wants to wear you like a skinsuit. Protect yourself and unfriend.
5. Anyone who makes creepy remarks about your photos. Jessica unfriended someone who kept telling her she had pretty feet. “I don’t even post pictures of my feet, which is why this was extra weird,” Jess said.
6. The person who is really into sharing their racist/homophobic/sexist views. It’s not enough to just hide their offensive screeds from your timeline. Don’t allow your internet friendship serve as a silent endorsement of their ranting and raving about Obama being a Muslim, or gay sex being an abomination, or every female celeb being a slut!
7. Your ex’s family members. Trust me on this one — eventually they’ll be forced to unfriend you, so you might as well beat them to the punch and spare your feelings.
8. The person you went out on one date with. Wait, why you are you FB friends with them in the first place? Ill advised! But no matter. It’s never too late to correct it. There is absolutely zero reason for someone you shared a beer and so little passion with that you never did it again to be privy to the details of your life.