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How To Wash A Vibrator & Other Ways To Spring Clean Your “Goodie Drawer”

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It’s Spring Cleaning Week here at The Frisky and we’ve shown you how to clean your makeup brushes, organize your beauty productsedit up your DVR queue, and even fix some cocktails that will make scrubbing your bathtub more bearable. (Do we know our readers or do we know our readers?)

But screw all that. I’m honestly not cleaning up squat unless my mom is coming to visit and then maaaaaybe I’ll put things in stacks and piles and spray scary chemicals all around the bathroom. What I’m more interested in is cleaning the area of my apartment that gets most of its traffic between 10 p.m. and 11 p.m. at night. How do I clean my vibrator? None of my condoms have expired right? (Not that I have lots of unused condoms around … no siree … I use all of them, like, all the time … )

How to spring clean your goodie drawer, or “Spring Cleaning For Sluts!”, after the jump:

1. Wash your vibrator or dildo in warm water. Different types of sex toys need to be cleaned differently. I only use silicone (rubbery) toys, which are porous [UPDATE: A commenter has correctly pointed out that silicone toys are non-porous. I apologize for the error.], but easiest to wash, IMO. My trick is to bring my clitoral vibrator(s) into the shower with me and scrub them with anti-bacterial hand soap, then pat dry afterwards. I do this maybe once a month because I only use them externally, although really all of us should be cleaning them after each use. Glass and Pyrex toys can be also washed with warm soapy water. One of my friends swears that she dips her toys in boiling water on the stove, but I think she was just trying to make me never want to eat pasta sauce at her house again. The feminist-owned sex toy shop Toys In Babeland has a very thorough, handy-dandy guide here.

2. Toss sexytime outfits you no longer wear. It goes without saying that you need to throw out your panties/thongs/bras and other regular undergarments with weird stains or broken elastic. But it’s also time to toss any sexytimes get-ups you’re never going to wear, like that extra-small French Maid Outfit you bought from Victoria’s Secret that doesn’t fit or the tacky fishnet stockings your ex bought you.

3. Check all condoms for expiration dates.Yup, condoms have expiration dates! Make sure none of yours were purchased before “The Bachelor” was on the air.

4. And throw away expired packages of birth control pills, birth control patches, and Plan B.  None of these medicines will be useful to you if they’re past they’re expiration date. (And talk to your pharmacist about auto-filling all prescriptions, so you’re never tempted to grab an old package of BC pills from your cabinet in a pinch.)

5. Wipe down any paddles /spankers/handcuffs/restraints.I suppose if you own leather paddles or spankers, you could be fancy and clean them with actual leather cleaner. But I just wipe mine down with regular anti-bacterial wipes. (Usually there is only just sweat on mine, but if you are the type of kinkster who goes for bruises/blood, you should be sterilizing the hell of your sex toys after every use.) You should check whether any restraints made out of fabric are machine washable, but if not, you can probably just wipe them really quick with anti-bacterial wipes as well.

6. Wipe up spilled lube. Gross and also a safety hazard if any of your sex toys are electrical.

7. Throw away expired batteries. Take it from one who knows, needing fresh batteries and not having any is a special sort of pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy’s dog.

Any other tips for how to spring clean your goodie drawer? Let us know in the comments!

[Toys In Babeland: Sex Toy Cleaning Tips]

Email me at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. ***Emails propositioning me for sex will be deleted without comment.*** Follow me on Twitter.

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