Why You Shouldn’t Put An Eel Up Your Butt
You probably weren’t considering putting an eel up your ass today. But just in case you were, please let this terrible eel-in-anus tale dissuade you from doing such a thing. And if eel-in-anus tales are the kind of things that make you feel uncomfy, you probably should stop reading now because I’m going to regale you with all the deets, gory enough to make Richard Gere and his gerbil ass blush.
An unidentified Chinese man was rushed in for emergency surgery after he got curious and let a Monopterus albus or “swamp eel” slither into his anus. Of note: this particular species of eel defends itself by burrowing deep into muddy soil. It also has bristle-like teeth. Remember this.
So, once all 20 inches and 1.3 pounds of the swamp eel was firmly inside the man’s rectal cavity, the frightened animal followed its natural eel instincts and burrowed into the man’s colon, puncturing it with its bristle-like teeth.
The surgery took all night, but you’ll be pleased to know that both eel and man survived the incident. Now I’m going to go die from clenching my butt cheeks together.[Rocket News 24]