Oh, tax season. Doing my taxes stresses me the hell out: I do so much freelance writing that I have one million forms. And trust me, if you screw up your taxes — even unintentionally — the IRS will hunt you down like a dog. I always say this year will be different, this year I’ll do it all by myself on TurboTax. Instead, I just hyperventilate for weeks.
Anyone else with me on this?
So! It’s time to do your taxes.
I know. But you have a high school proficiency in math and a log-in for TurboTax.com. Plus, you have all the forms this year. You can do it!
And you bet you’ll get a big fat check back from the IRS. Oh, the things you’ll buy!
So you start reading those forms.
Suuuuuuure, you know what your capital loss carryovers are.
Fives hours have passed. Slowly going cross-eyed. Vision is getting blurry.
Stop reading IRS form instructions. Call your mother/father in a panic.
“It’s not that complicated!” yells your mother/father. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You are a grown-ass adult. Why can’t you do your own taxes?”
Screw it. You can’t do this yourself. Time to call H&R Block.
Turns out you lost the receipts you could deduct for gas mileage. And the receipt for that donation you made to charity after Hurricane Sandy. Now your accountant is using his Mean Dad voice to tell you, “There’s not much I can do without those receipts.
In fact, you actually owe money this year.
And to top it all off, H&R Block just charged you how much to do your taxes?!?!
Alright. Fine. I’ll pay for it. ::: whips out credit card :::
Well, at least that’s over with. It wasn’t so bad.
And when your coworker brags next month about that big, fat check she got from the IRS, you just:
Happy tax season, everyone!
Email me at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. Follow me on Twitter.