I often find myself marveling at people’s innovative (and illegal) public masturbation sessions. Like the guy who emptied a vacuum cleaner in a neighbor’s home and then pleasured himself on the dirty floor or the woman who diddled herself on a Florida highway. I know both of these self-love sessions ended in arrest, and I don’t condone crimes where anyone feels violated, obviously, but I can’t help but be in awe of how much trouble they went through just to get off!
This week, William Blakely wins the creative/illegal masturbation award. The former Mount Carmel, Tennessee, Vice-Mayor is facing charges of indecent and reckless endangerment and criminal attempt to commit aggravated assault for jerking off out of the window of his car while he was driving 90 miles per hour. I mean, how do you even achieve that?
Multiple female witnesses claimed that Blakely honked, waved and grabbed his shirt and “kind of pulled it up” to get their attention. Then he allegedly wet his hand with his mouth and masturbated while hitting pedal to medal.
Witness Kelly Street gave a more detailed account of Blakely’s drive-by jerk off:
“At over 90 miles per hour, he had his penis out [the window] … he was masturbating … and that’s when it got really, really bad. I wouldn’t look over any more, and I wrote his tag number down on my hand, which I believe he noticed, and he exited very quickly.”
It’s worth noting that he was investigated a couple of years back for similar charges when he was still in office. [Talking Points Memo]