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9 Penises We’ve Judged And Why

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According to a new study of women Down Under — no, really, it was in Australia — women really are attracted to men with larger penises.

In the study, 105 women viewed naked men of various heights who all had flaccid penises and rated them on sexual attractiveness. As TIME explained, researchers found that shorter men with larger penises were seen as more attractive than shorter men with shorter penises and that tall men are kinda screwed because their height may make their penis look smaller. But have no fear, small dick-ed dudes: overall, women rated body shape as more important to attraction than penis size.

Frankly, we think any penis that isn’t bratwurst-sized works just fine. It’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean and all that. But that’s not to say certain penises don’t stick out (no pun intended) in our minds …

I don’t remember specifics, except for one guy who curved to the side so noticeably it looked like a hook. Otherwise, it’s just been a blur of penises (penii?).

I was dating a guy whose penis was so large that it made me start to cry when we were about to have sex. Sex never happened.

One guy I had been dyinnnnnng to sleep with for, like, years. I finally, FINALLY got him in my bed once and, lo and behold, like a kid unwrapping a new bike on Christmas, he had the world’s most amazingly perfect, big penis. Just the right amount of length and girth, well proportioned balls, smooth … My jaw legit dropped.

I had one boyfriend who was uncircumcised and he had very fragile foreskin.  The sex was either great or I was scared that it would somehow hurt him.

I remember penises not so much for how they look but for my experience with the whole package. If a guy had good grooming and was clean down there, then I’ll remember him favorably. But if he was sweaty and needed to wash his undercarriage more often, then I couldn’t deal.

I had a two week long affair with a guy with grapefruit sized balls. I’m talking Christmas tree ornament sized. They pretty much repulsed me, but I felt bad about it … until he turned out to be a horrid compulsive liar and then I gave him the nickname “Fatty Big Balls” for all eternity. I should have trusted my gut’s reaction to his balls. My gut was trying to tell me something. Otherwise, I don’t really judge penises. They’re all funny looking.

I nicknamed a brief college boyfriend “lipstick tube,” because that was the size of his erect penis.

I saw a baby dick in high school which scarred me for a long time. We went to a rave and he spent the night. I went into the other room for some reason and when I cam back he and his tiny dick had gotten into my bed naked. I was 16 or so and as you can imagine, this horrified me. But I’ve loved every other dick I’ve ever seen. If I like the guy, I usually like the dick. I can’t say the same for balls. I slept with a guy who had really tiny balls and it made me feel a little weird.

A guy in college had seriously the largest penis I’ve ever seen in my life. It looked like a hunk of deli meat. I don’t think we got it all in because it was too painful for me. He was uncircumcised and I later heard gossip that he willingly got circumcised in order to make it smaller. That could be an urban legend, though.

Which penises stand out in your mind? Do you agree with the findings of this study? Let us know in the comments!

Email me at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. Follow me on Twitter.

[Photo: Thinkstock]

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